You have to admit that “7 days of sex” is an exciting recipe to fix your marriage. That’s why it’s also the title of Lifetime’s latest reality show.
But having sex for 7 days straight is about as close to marriage therapy as reality TV is to reality.
Although Lifetime says this is something else entirely, the idea of sexathons for a quality marriage has been kicking around in some church circles for several years now. The thought there is to emphasize some of the fun and excitement of the committed relationship.
Apparently Lifetime’s thinking is that lots of hot sex can make bad relationships better.
Well, as they say, it couldn’t hurt.
Research tells us that relationship success is all about the MATH…the ratio of positive sentiment to negative sentiment. In layman’s terms, your likes have to be five times greater than your dislikes for you to say you’re in a satisfying relationship.
If you do the “7 days of sex” math, you can see that it’s very possible to increase the percentages of likes and dislikes in your marriage. That’s because sex can really increase the PASSION in a marriage. That is:
Joy, Appreciation, S ensuality, Sharing, Intimacy, Oxytocin (and vasopressin) the “attachment hormones” and Caring.
Sex can make you feel great and connected, which is why you have so much more when you first fall in love. It’s nature’s way of hooking you to each other. And it really works, doesn’t it?
But can sex alone keep you hooked?
Once again, it couldn’t hurt. But, sex alone really has little impact on negative feelings, which are the source of relationship distress.
If you have a bad connection with your partner, if you feel misunderstood, neglected, devalued or unsupported, it is very likely that having too much sex will lead to too much bad sex… and more negative feelings.
If couples really want to deal with their marital problems, they need to do the things they need to do to feel confident that:
- can depend on each other
- they can eat their differences effectively
- can work together synergistically
A successful relationship that is deep, strong, and resilient is not something that just happens. It is something you create. They must be accessible and responsive to each other emotionally, not just sexually. ESA is the key to deepening your mutual understanding, strengthening your bond, and working together more collaboratively.
Emotional accessibility and responsiveness require emotional intelligence: the ability to recognize your own emotions, to reveal your true self, to respond empathetically to your partner’s needs, and to repair breakdowns and damage.
Repairing your relationship with “7 Days of Sex” is like putting a new coat of paint on a termite-infested house. It may look and feel nice for a while. But in the end, if you don’t call an exterminator, the house will eventually come crashing down.