Before getting into the matter of how to achieve inner peace, it can be useful to debunk three myths:
1. You cannot achieve inner peace; it’s something you’re born with
This myth actually serves as an excuse to avoid the thought and work involved in bringing peace into your life. If you really believe this myth, then there is no point in reading any further.
two. Inner peace belongs only to mountaintop gurus, yogis, adepts, and other masters of Eastern religious practices.
While it is true that we can learn much from Buddhism, Taoism, Zen, and other Eastern traditions, practitioners of these beliefs do not have a monopoly on inner peace.
3. Inner peace comes only at the end of life, when you have put aside all other concerns and are preparing to die.
In fact, some people experience peace on the verge of leaving this life, and we all wish for a peaceful ending, but it is not necessary to wait until the end to enjoy peace.
What do you need to do to achieve inner peace?
1. Make peace a priority
Let’s be clear about the meaning of the word “priority”: if you find two conflicting options, the one you choose is the one you have given priority to. Making peace a priority means choosing peace when this goal conflicts with others. Now you’re probably seeing why so few people achieve inner peace: It’s because so few choose it. Making peace a priority means putting this goal ahead of other goals that compete for your approval, like advancing your career, having a comfortable life, securing your retirement, making sure your children have everything they want, owning a house big enough, etc. You can have all of these things and still enjoy inner peace, but to achieve peace you must put it ahead of other goals.
two. Identify and remove obstacles to peace.
What prevents you from enjoying inner peace right now? This requires sitting down and making your personal list of obstacles. I’ll suggest some of my own, but these probably won’t be your answers. Obstacles can include: lack of time to let your mind be at peace and reflect on calm thoughts; a complete absence of tranquility at any time of the day; a complete absence of loneliness in your life; a stressful clamor of deadlines, “to do” lists, family obligations, and community commitments that you can never finish; a view of life as a series of responsibilities, each of which is raced to get to the next (this can be thought of as a “race to the grave”: whoever gets there first wins). Your list will differ from mine, but you get the idea.
Having made the list, and having established inner peace as a priority, the next step is to remove the obstacles. At this point, you may feel like abandoning the project altogether, but this is where the real work begins. Let’s look at it from a different perspective. Where does it say that you should always be out of breath, that everyone in the world is entitled to your time except you, that since there will never be enough money you should spend all your energies trying to earn more? Do you really subscribe to the values contained in Kipling’s famous inspirational poem “If”: “If you can fill the relentless minute with sixty seconds of distance traveled”? What do you really want, “fill the unforgiving minute” or inner peace? (If it’s still a question, go back to step 1 above.)
3. Identify and adopt aids for peace.
If you have ever enjoyed a moment of peace in your life, observe that moment in detail and discover how to incorporate it into your daily routine. Each person will have a different answer to this question, but peace aids include meditation, yoga, solitary walks, quiet music, darkness, silence, uninterrupted time, mindfulness (gazing at some aspect of life with openness and wonder), immersion in warm water, and see the world through the lens of a camera. If the scriptures speak to you, you may be drawn to Pathways to Peace [see below]. (If you have no difficulty identifying the prompts but feel you don’t have time to accept them, go back to step 1 above.)
Transformative language can also contribute to achieving inner peace. Make a list of two dozen negative adjectives with which you could characterize your non-peaceful life. (Examples may include rushed, harassed, stressed, nervous, confused, conflicted, unfocused, fractured, unbalanced, anxious, fearful). Now make a list of two dozen positive adjectives that describe the life you’d like to lead. (Examples may include peaceful, serene, calm, centered, balanced, calm, thoughtful, graceful, unhurried, open). Notice how you feel as you read those words and the words you write on your own list. Get in the habit of avoiding the words on the first list and make more use of the words on the second list. You may be surprised at the influence “mother words” can have on your peace of mind.
Four. Emulate peaceful people
As you reflect on your goal of inner peace, look for possible role models among your friends, associates, or people you admire. Try to visualize yourself leading their lives. How do they stand, walk or talk? Make a detailed description and then try on the size. Notice how it differs from your present. Consider what changes you need to make to make your life more like the peaceful people you admire. This may fall into the “fake it until you make it” category, but extraordinary changes can be brought about by altering the way you hold your body, speak, or move. And if you haven’t started to cultivate deep breathing yet, start right away. As the Beatles sang, “All we ask is to give peace a chance.”