What should you do if your wife wants out of your marriage? When a woman seriously considers divorce for the first time, she does not arrive at this state of despair through a process of calm deduction. She is simply reacting to the feeling that she “can’t take it anymore”. Sometimes her wife’s decision to leave him may be her way of trying to get him to change, but more often it is a desperate effort to survive. She can’t take the heartache anymore, so she has sought separation (or divorce) like a drowning man looking for a life jacket. How did she come to this? It is often due to the husband’s negligence in hurting her wives.
How husbands hurt their wives
How can you, as a husband, inadvertently hurt your wife? Obviously it is when you don’t love her like you should. This is displayed in the following ways:
1. Not appreciating or acknowledging it.
2. Compare her to other women
3. Taking her for granted (“Oh never mind…she’ll understand” or “…I’m sure she won’t mind”)
4. Having to be right all the time
5. Make her feel vulnerable, alone, or isolated, for example, by not helping at home or standing up for her.
6. Destroying her self-esteem through harsh or rude words and actions that demean her.
7. Not paying enough attention to her, for example, giving more time and attention to someone or something other than her.
8. Having close friendships with members of the opposite sex (may or may not involve having an affair).
9. Being overly demanding of her, for example by insisting that she be almost totally subservient to your every wish.
10. Not bothering to understand her.
Your wife’s main source of security or comfort is you, her husband. When you do any of the above (or similar things), your sense of security and self-esteem are severely threatened. The problem is that most wives feel that they have communicated their pain to their husbands, but most husbands have not realized it. She felt that she was trying to make you understand, but you thought that she was just being emotional or that she was exaggerating. My experience is that most women leave their husbands because they expected to feel loved, protected and cared for, but their husbands have inadvertently sent the message that they are not. If this happens repeatedly over a long period of time, it is very likely that your wife will leave you. In such a situation, how can we achieve reconciliation?
The Path to Reconciliation
First of all, don’t make excuses for your actions or words that have hurt her. There’s no point in trying to make him understand you. Just acknowledge them and ask for forgiveness. I know it takes two to tango, which means she probably also contributed in some way to how you acted. But now is not the time to blame her. You have to ignore her flaws for now. Be a man and take responsibility for your own mistakes, own up to them, and humble yourself by sincerely apologizing. This will go a long way in softening her hardened heart.
Second, listen to it without correcting it. She doesn’t have to prove that she is right or prove that she is wrong. Don’t try to talk her out of her feelings or belittle her emotions and behavior. This will only make her feel more hurt and angry.
Third, understand your wounded condition. Do it by empathizing with her. She just wants you to understand her feelings. Convey her feelings. Comfort her and let her know that you understand how she feels.
Fourth, assure her of your commitment to her. Change what is wrong in your attitudes, actions or words. As her husband, you have a responsibility to restore her sense of self-worth, safety, security, and trust in you.
Finally, put your commitments to her into practice. What you have said you will do, make sure you actually do it.
conclusion
I have always maintained that it is the husband who must be primarily responsible for ensuring a successful marriage relationship. Therefore, if something is wrong in your marriage, you, as the husband, need to be proactive in putting things right. Only then can you save your marriage.