Sixty percent of students take 5-6 years to complete college. One big reason is that they are not emotionally equipped to succeed. It takes more than good grades to be prepared for college. It takes resilience, persistence, and knowing how to deal with mistakes and disappointments.
As a high school teacher, I received many phone calls from parents about missing work. “Why did not you call me?” they asked. “I would have made sure it was done.” He wanted to say, “You’re not in sixth grade again. This is your son’s problem, not yours!” When did this become a parental responsibility? When the parent cares more about the work than the student, something is out of balance. This was the perfect example of a time to step back and let a child experience some discomfort and learn from the experience.
Would you agree that our job as parents is to prepare our children for life? Unfortunately, much of the focus is on academic preparation for college…and to a lesser extent on the attitudes and skills that will help them overcome challenges. Preparation for life involves letting them, encouraging them, pushing them, to experience life. So for them to be successful in high school, college, and beyond, we parents need to prepare them for more than just SATs and GPAs.
We are experiential learners: this means that most of us learn best by doing. And it has more meaning for us when we do something ourselves. This also means that we learn more by experiencing the consequences of our actions. This goes double for our children. Experiment, reflect, learn, apply. Repeat.
So how do you prepare them…or help them prepare themselves? This is one of the hardest things parents have to do. You have to Let it go. And what does that look like?
1) Resist the urge to step in and pave the way for them, or deal with their problems.
2) Recognize why you want to intervene. I know, you don’t want them to get hurt or disappointed. Maybe she’s afraid of what she’ll look like if she doesn’t have the ‘perfect’ child. Or maybe you don’t want to risk losing her love. But sometimes your children will have to experience sadness and disappointment to become resilient and see what they are made of. They won’t know until they fight back and fix their own mess.
3) Understand when your help is or is not needed. This is the big one. If it’s not a health or safety issue, chances are you should stay on the back burner and let your child figure it out.
Are you ready to let them go? They are capable of accomplishing and coping with much more than you can give them credit for. Ready, set…let them go!