Passion is a deep desire and longing, a strong desire and enthusiasm for something or someone. Being passionate includes this sensation and feeling of being governed by an all-consuming urge to participate intensely in an activity, be it physical, mental, or emotional. This discussion will not include passions for things like art, music, any career or political vision; instead, we focus on using your ability to understand and create passion in your sexual relationship. Where there is passion, most of the time there is also love.
If you are married, you will need to be more creative about when, where, and for how long you will be intimate. Never stop being friends and lovers, that is the first key. Then get to know yourself, get to know your most intimate desires, and don’t be afraid to bring fantasies into your sex life, with the approval of your partner, of course. You must first understand yourself and why you have gotten into a boring sexual place. Counseling so many couples over the years, I have been told that children tend to spoil relationships. I think that’s an escape! Don’t let creativity die for the love of God! You’ve seen the “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grade Student” show, right? Well, put your two heads together and think of ways to work with the children. That’s your job, mine here is to teach you how to become the passionate lover you want to be, receive passionate breakthroughs, and act accordingly as well. Passion begins in the mind but connects every cell and directs physical and emotional reactions where there is love and enthusiasm.
Identify Passion – See how this gripping scene makes you feel:
Imagine: your lover is far away, but you can’t stop thinking about her during the day. You connect in ways that you may not even understand, there is a mixture of souls as they say and a depth to your love.
Her journey home seems too long, but her mind and body are already with her, reminiscing about past lovemaking events. The way he walks, his smile, his intellect, his spontaneity and sensitivity; and oh her smooth skin great body, the way she responds to you and how she makes you feel sensual. She calls you and says something bad and you can’t wait to get home.
It’s been a long day at the office and you had a grueling dinner. You come home, your favorite music plays, the fragrance of candles in the air, the fireplace is lit, and your lover greets you at the door. She hugs you with your favorite perfume, the hair a little different showing her neck, and kisses your lips, it is a warm and wet kiss. She’s wearing something very seductive, but still doesn’t show too much skin. She takes your briefcase while you take off your shoes. She walks upstairs with you and helps you take off your coat, tie, and pants. You cool off while she tells you that she will be downstairs waiting for you. This is different, enjoyable, and exciting too.
You go downstairs and she has removed an item of clothing that generates a reaction. She takes your hand and brings it closer to her body allowing a gentle caress but nothing more. She has arranged a comfortable place with a blanket and pillows on the living room floor in front of the fireplace. She gives you your favorite drink. You haven’t made love there before. You start to speak but she touches your lips with her finger as if to say shhh, I understand you. She starts kissing your hand, seductively sucking on one of your fingers and your imagination runs wild. The emotions within you are stirring and the impulses are strong. She dips your hands in warm massage oil while you relax comfortably on the pillows. It feels like she’s reaching inside him somehow and her body is starting to perform involuntary movements. This is all about you now, as you close your eyes for a moment wishing this would last. She pulls away and blows gently on the oiled spots. You can barely bear it as she continues to bring her body closer to you allowing parts of her body to rub against you. She is also aroused and eager like you, but in moderation both of you allow the passion to build as you explore new erogenous zones by observing and listening to the right reaction. It is evident that she wants to please you and you also want to please her; it is not only a physical pleasure that both seek, but also spiritual.
They feed each other chilled berries dipped in their favorite alcohol and the juice runs down their skin and hers as well. Deep desire and emotions arise like never before … there is a novelty, almost as if a different person is making love to you, while at the same time, you love the deep connection beyond the physical even now. They haven’t loved each other that much in a long time … and then the deepest, most passionate connection.
That is the feeling of a passionate scene. What was going on internally? What makes you want someone so much that all other thoughts disappear? Lust is not passion. So if you don’t know your lover very well and aren’t in love with each other, sharing the passion is not what you will experience. Being sexually stimulated by someone without love certainly happens all the time. This discussion revolves around identifying yourself with passion at the core of your being, what some have described as champagne running through your veins. Passion does not necessarily create a sexual reaction, but it does set a fire in the heart, a longing so different from simple sex that the experience leaves you speechless.
Next, what will make you more desirable? What will the automatic wave of passionate desire for you create in your partner?
To find your passion, you must discover yourself and then understand and make discoveries about your partner. Passionate lovemaking requires not only intensity, it also requires love. An individual can be a witty lover, but not a passionate one. Zeal does not always equate to passion. There is a chemistry that unites two lovers on levels that go beyond the physical. If love is definable, and I don’t know if it is really possible to define love with human words; that passion is definitely one of the components of that equation. We must desire someone so much that the center of our being is shaken by where he is, by his touch, by his words, by the thought of him. One must be able to provoke a reaction from a distance for passion to exist. Fantasies definitely fall into the image of passion, as images are powerful. So before you see your lover, start imagining them. Imagine how it would feel to hug them, touch them, kiss them, be intimate. Make them part of your fantasy before it happens.
If your love life has become stale and you want to change things drastically, take a look at the suggestions below:
- Identify your own sexual thirst and pleasures. First of all, each of you should write down everything you can think of that turns you on and that you find erotic. Think of any fantasies you have had or anything sexual that you wanted to try or that you thought was interesting. Try to make a list as complete as possible and be creative. If you don’t have ideas, rent some movies if you need to.
- Then write down what you think your partner likes best and be specific. Understanding your partner on all levels will help you create passionate love. If you know that your partner likes silk sheets, a hot bath, roses, a massage, walking on the beach, listening to Beethoven or Bach, dancing, hot movies, make these things part of the experience. Make changes as moods and interests change … be flexible.
- Discuss your lists. Do you find the articles erotic? Would you be interested in trying one or more? Feel your reactions on all levels. Look him in the eye and see if he can’t say the words you need to hear. Talk about how you would test the items or if you or your partner wanted some variation or would need to negotiate the limits or limits of what would be tested. By browsing these lists, you can learn something new about your partner.
- Decide which items you find erotic and interesting. Ask a couple to plan a time to be together and have sex. Making love is pretty boring when you have to schedule it for day or night. Shower together … that can be a lot of fun! Or take a whirlpool bath together; be sure to add scented candles to brighten the mood, play beautiful music, and lie in each other’s arms as you dive, let things happen.
- It is not uncommon for couples to have different sexual desires. In fact, that can make things even more fun! Passion includes the enthusiasm for making other people’s fantasies come true, as well as making your own come true. Your partner will appreciate that you have taken an interest in something that he would like and sends the signal that it is okay for you both to have different sexual tastes, that you are attentive to his needs as a sexual person, and that he takes pleasure in watching him get turned on. You may find over time that you not only enjoy pleasuring your partner, but you also enjoy being active. We often don’t know what we might like unless we try several times. If you are willing to be more open to your partner’s ideas, he or she is likely to be more open to your ideas as well.
- Making love should begin long before any sexual act. Perhaps walking hand in hand along a beautiful path or window shopping; sit in a ball game, watch birds in the park, take a ride and playfully touch each other while driving (be careful); do whatever takes you to the fun side of life, to the tender moments.
- Have you really explored each other on all levels? Try to play a sex game. Go to an adult store and pick something out together.
- Make life a party whenever possible. Celebrate each other beyond the bedroom. Pleasing each other in ways that do not include physical intimacy. Learn to bend so you don’t break.
- Love what you do and do what you love more often. Stop judging your body or your partners. Love them from the inside out. With age come body changes and challenges. If you are truly in love with someone, the passion will remain high because you will take intimacy to “higher ground”; mind and spirit.
- Update your look from head to toe every six months. Keep things fresh and exciting. Make the space where you spend most of your lovemaking time the most glorious space possible. Make it sexy for both of you.
Creating passion is about being creative and experimenting in ways that feel comfortable, enjoyable, and exciting. Sexual expression in our relationships is about sharing love and having fun. So have fun and let your inner passion create extraordinary moments! Once you create the moments, a lifetime of passionate love will be yours if you continue to be mindful of your needs as well as those of your lover.
Keep things warm!