Almost every woman who has dated someone in the last half century has experienced the blowout, also known as the fade out or cool pullout, at some point. One minute they’re on the best date of their lives, the next she’s waiting to hear from him for weeks and wondering … what happened?
Why do men do this? This is common enough that entire books have been written about it, Oprah has done at least a dozen shows about it, and dating columnists and relationship gurus have made entire careers helping women understand this. phenomenon. Understanding why you have become a victim of the explosion will help ensure that you are never trapped in that vanishing zone again.
The details
· It’s chemistry But not the chemistry you’re thinking of In all likelihood, the chemistry between the two of you couldn’t be better, but it’s still fading. Your own personal chemistry has a lot to do with it, and it’s the little chemical called oxytocin that is the culprit. Oxytocin is a hormone that rises and falls based on what is happening to … our other hormones. When oxytocin levels rise in women, they feel connected to the person they are with. Men can feel this effect too, but they also feel that of others. Their testosterone drops and they actually feel more stressed. Read, pressed. Just when you thought everything was going well, he started freaking out and pulled away.
· You feel pressured. You have reached a point in your relationship where you need to move on or stop moving. This will scare him, even if he thinks you are walking on water. You may be chasing and pushing too hard. If so, and he’s keeping quiet, it’s because he knows you need to move on and he’s having his own little silent startle about it.
· The uncertainty stage. Dr. John Gray, often referred to as the Mars and Venus guy because of his best-selling book Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, He says this is a real stage that ALL long-term relationships go through, and it is important. According to him, your guy is just feeling insecure and is trying to figure it out on his own. He’s torn between taking it to the next level and losing his freedom. The best way to get through this stage and date your man still on your arm is to put pressure cooker conversations aside, encourage him to have his own freedom, and still appreciate all the benefits of being with someone as amazing as you.
· It is really busy. This is where you ask yourself, is it really fading? Or is not responding to your text messages in 30 minutes is your version of the blast? Be realistic. You are allowed to have a life, and if you do not allow it, you will not keep it. It could be busy. Her grandmother is dying, she needs to put in extra hours before she loses her job, and you get the idea. Again, pressing him to text you immediately is going to work against you.
· You stopped being his biggest fan. Simply put, men don’t stay where they are unappreciated and marry the girl they think is their biggest fan. If you marry that girl and she begins to fade, you will have the affair with the girl you it is his biggest fan. You also like to be appreciated, right? So does he. Be his biggest fan, 100% of the time, and he won’t want to miss you.
· Is there anyone else Unfortunately this happens, but this is most likely to happen more when the woman he is with has stopped doing all of the above variables and has pressured him to move on with her, not taking her perspective at all. If you’ve found someone else, that doesn’t mean you’ve given up hope. It just means that your job is a bit more complicated for you. But if you’ve stopped contacting suddenly, unfortunately, this may be one of the genuine reasons why.
The bottom line
The bottom line is that this is another one of those situations where women hurt themselves more than they mean to, even though their intentions are pure. They want to move things to the next level, he may want that too, but they do it the wrong way. When a man feels pressure, no matter what the situation is, he resists. Allowing your man the freedom he deserves as a capable man, while still enjoying all the benefits that come from being with you, will keep him from fading away. Pushing it or forcing the problem will simply raise your hormone levels to a point where you won’t know which way to go except in the other direction.