Adolescents, like adults, have different levels of irresponsibility that can range from laziness in housework to lying (to avoid responsibility or accountability) and violent and / or criminal behavior. The critical questions are: what level of irresponsibility does the adolescent demonstrate, how chronic is the irresponsibility, and are there patterns of irresponsibility?
Obviously, there are two rules about interventions: one, the earlier an intervention occurs means a greater likelihood of stopping and easily reversing the behaviors, and two, the longer the behaviors continue, it means that more interventions will be needed to change or stop the behavior. behavior and / or the more severe the irresponsible behavior becomes.
The good news is that many teens get over their irresponsibility simply by getting older. However, not all irresponsible behavior patterns have that light at the end of a tunnel and the end result is incarceration or treatment programs. Many factors can influence an adolescent’s bottom line, including: academic performance, emotional stability, family stability, personal interests and goals, and personality variables.
Types of interventions
Parental interventions
The easiest and least expensive (money and time) is for parents to step in and stop the irresponsible behavior. This may mean learning what they have been doing to unknowingly reinforce unwanted behaviors and / or identifying what stimulates irresponsible behavior. This level of intervention is most appropriate for mild levels of irresponsibility: laziness, ignoring instructions and / or commitments, etc. This level of behavior can best be achieved by doing a behavior analysis. This process is something that parents can do themselves with the guidance of a knowledgeable person or they can consult with someone who has those skills. Another option is for parents to establish a hiring system for adolescent behavior management in order to reward their appropriate behaviors (or responsibilities) with earning money instead of an allowance; the adolescent would determine his own income based on his performance. Information on these topics is available on the Parent Modules page of the Parents Teach Kids website. This level of intervention will likely be part of the longest or most serious irresponsible behaviors, but it will rarely make a significant change on its own.
Expert interventions
The next level of intervention is consulting with a counselor or psychologist who can act as an intermediary between the parent and the adolescent. This can be expensive in terms of money ($ 75-125 / hour) and time for travel and appointments. Sometimes health insurance covers these costs, but all insurance companies differ in requirements and procedures, so parents are encouraged to verify their benefits before scheduling appointments. Counseling may or may not produce changes and it can take a long time to make any changes. Joint counseling may be required, as many parents contribute significantly to their teens’ irresponsible behaviors inadvertently. For example, they may give the teenager a credit card and allowance, as well as a car, but they may not be clear about who will pay gas bills on the credit card or the proper use of the card. This level of intervention is also recommended for adolescents who engage in risky behavior (including substance use and unprotected sex) or who have come into contact with the law and the logical consequences of their actions. This level of intervention will likely be part of the longest or most serious irresponsible behaviors, but it will rarely make a significant change on its own.
Legal interventions
When the adolescent’s irresponsible behavior has been prolonged and / or severe, parents are likely to have few options: incarceration or a residential treatment program specializing in the adolescent’s chronic problems (substance abuse, delinquency, etc.). Again, these programs may be covered by health insurance benefits and parents should consult with the appropriate individuals to determine their benefits and limitations, referral processes, etc. Out-of-incarceration programs generally require parental involvement in counseling and / or behavior management skills training.
Focus on the positive potentials
Just because your teen doesn’t do his chores doesn’t mean he’s irresponsible. Responsibility is a character trait that comes with the experience of making decisions and experiencing the consequences of those decisions. When parents protect their children from the logical consequences of their behavior, they do a great injustice to the child. The child learns that there is nothing he cannot do, as there is no cost to the child. Sometimes the best teaching tool is the experiences that bring the consequences. The adolescent has the potential to be who and what you always dreamed of being. Sometimes the whole family has to lose themselves fighting their way through the unknown, personal fears, and mistakes to find the wonderful person within. Some take longer than others to reveal themselves.