Marriage is just a legal document, after all, so why do it? More and more people are living together without actually getting married. Do they lose something? They Yes. As a counselor and pastor, I have witnessed firsthand what is lost outside of marriage.
Yes, yes, I am a Christian, which means that I believe that only in marriage does God bless sex. But if that’s the only reason to get married, it’s pretty pathetic. No, there is much more a marriage can bring.
I will mention two things that you can only achieve through marriage that are very important to my wife and me.
COMMITMENT
Saying, “Do you want to marry me?” you are making a commitment that transcends other alliances. When you get married, you make a commitment for life, or at least that’s how it’s supposed to be. Living like two stray cats doesn’t lend itself to a long-term commitment. They can affirm that they love each other, and it is possible that, but without being willing to assume the level of commitment that a marriage implies, they will question their love.
I don’t have an easy way out if we have problems. I can’t just pack up and go without creating big problems. I wanted it that way. I don’t want an easy way out of marital problems. I want my commitment to help me to be determined to carry it out, to solve the problems.
But if two people simply live together without this commitment, then it is easy to leave when problems arise. There is nothing that holds you together or really encourages you to find a solution, even if you don’t want a solution.
It is more than a legal document. It is a profession of my commitment to society, publicly and with my partner. My word is my bond and I wanted a relationship that was more than something I could get outside of marriage. He also wanted something public and witnessed. I am not ashamed of my wife. I’m not waiting to see if things are going to work out. I don’t want to wake up one day wondering if it’s time for a change. Marriage gave me the depth of commitment I was looking for. I can’t get that any other way.
For me, I can only get the depth of a relationship that I want within marriage. Commitment means a lot to me. It means everything to me. For someone else to commit to a relationship that says, “Until death do us part, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health,” means more than I can put into words here. For my wife to believe in us to that extent, to commit herself in this way, to show her love with this level of commitment is a wonderful gift that I fear few have, even those who marry.
AN EXAMPLE FOR MY CHILDREN
Marriage allows me to set an example before my children shoot for themselves one day. The above engagement is something I want my children to learn. I want them to see a relationship so close, so in love that they seek the same when they are adults.
My parents had a marriage like me. As a child, I had such tremendous security at home that I never worried about whether my parents would ever be together or not. I witnessed their commitment and yearned for the same. I want this for my children, and only through the commitment of marriage can I give it to them.
A relationship outside the bonds of marriage sends the wrong message to my children. How can I expect them to find the same level of commitment and love if I am not willing to show it myself? Our children often follow in our footsteps when it comes to relationships. Above all, because it is all they know. Well, I want my children to know what a relationship is like between two people so committed, so in love, so close that they want nothing more.
That said, if the above is true, then getting married for fun is not wise. I got married because I found a woman I could commit to for the rest of my life and a woman who was willing to do the same for me. Our union has a purpose and our marriage gives depth and commitment to that purpose.