From my last article on Mars, you’ll remember that I was looking at my Mars Global Surveyor Mars Orbiter Camera Image Gallery options and chose the MOC Narrow Angle Image Gallery: Mars Chart 03: Arcadia.
The reason was that I saw a colony of some kind on Mars! I didn’t know if it was a human colony or not, so I decided to get closer. He still couldn’t tell. That’s when Fanton’s Xrytspet showed up at G10009845788899990766 and he told me that he would take us there in the Fnl7 Time Craft which is powered by the Xempler B29BS19444322 particle beam twin thruster engine.
Xrytspet told me that you can use wheat grains for fuel if you need to.
As you may remember, Xrytspet called me fizzy because I told him I had no intention of going to Mars, being such a windy and inhospitable place. She took me anyway.
Xrytspet does as it pleases.
We had found the remains of a Russian colony on Mars and there was still a Russian cosmonaut alive because there was no room for him on the Soviet spacecraft, the космический корабль, which had a 15-man crew. They returned to Earth leaving #16 behind.
We scatter from there too because the Fnl7 Time Craft only seats two.
Despite not liking Mars, I wanted to go back again. I felt really bad for letting that old man die there. His loneliness would be unbearable. I asked Xrytspet if there wasn’t a way to get him home.
Xrytspet: What am I, a taxi service?
Hack Writer: Xrytspet, sorry for the man.
Xrytspet: You’re an idiot, Taylor Jones, the cheat writer. The Fnl7 Time Craft is a time machine. That old man has been dead for centuries.
Hack Writer: Centuries? I can’t believe it. Look at the technology. It was the current Soviet Union.
Xrytspet: You saw CCCP and translated it USSR. Did the old man respond to your clumsy Russian?
Hack Writer: What do you mean, Xrytspet? It seemed Russian to me.
Xrytspet: It looked like whatever you wanted it to look like. That old man was a centalonese. CCCP stands for Central Centalonia Prospecting Club. He was searching for lost treasures from the defunct Martian Federation.
We didn’t get out of there because we didn’t have room for him. We got out of there because you can never trust a Centalonese. Did you see the way he looked at me? He had been looking there for a long time.
Hack Writer: I don’t see why anyone would look at you that way, Xrytspet.
Xrytspet: I’ve seen you looking at me “that way”. I’ve been thinking of talking to his wife on that point.
Hack Writer: You’re full of it, Xrytspet. I want to visit what’s left of the defunct Martian Federation. What happened to them anyway?
Xrytspet: Earth will look like Mars when this generation is done with it.
Hack Writer: Oh no! Didn’t the Martians have the internal combustion engine?
Xrytspet: The Federation decided that each Martian family should have 20 children. They ate away from home and home. War broke out for the first time and hundreds died. Then the Lykrets came and ate every green leaf and blade of grass and then the Lykrets even ate each other. The Federation leaders decided that it would be best if the Martian survivors buried themselves in the sand, which they did.
Hack Writer: What is a Lykret, an insect?
Xrytspet – A yellowish flying rodent about the size of one of those squirrels in your backyard. Well, it’s not actually a rodent or a bird.
Hack Writer: Only hundreds died in the war, not thousands or millions like on earth; and yet they are extinct?