I need to warn you this morning that you may find today’s topic and content a bit difficult to assimilate. But I know that we will all be better people if we accept a couple of things that I am going to talk about this morning.
I want to read you a post by Terrance Seamon who said: “Name one word that you hardly ever hear in relation to the workplace. While there are probably many answers, the one I name is sorry. Someone drops the ball, fails to meet the expectations, does anyone miss a due date? What do we do? Forgive them? What would be the consequences of forgiveness in the workplace? “Can you see it happening? How difficult is forgiveness in the workplace? I’m sure that even when I started talking, incidents come to mind, of times when someone close to you has let you down.
William Blake said, “It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.” Sometimes when things happen to us or the people around us disappoint us, it hurts even more. Or when people run over you to climb the ladder, or use you to do donkey work and then take credit. Our natural response is “Every dog has his day. One day I will take revenge. One day I will have my day in the sun.”
But, I want to push you all a little bit on this call today. Forgiveness is not about other people; forgiveness is about you and me. An unforgiving person is more hurt by that unforgiving spirit than the person who has done something to you or me. It’s like the old days when soldiers went to war in armor, and the hope was that this would protect them. They wore helmets and armor up to their shoes. They believed that no spear could pierce that armor. But it didn’t prevent a person from dying of a heart attack. Why? Because the disease came from within and the armor could not prevent it. It is more difficult to deal with something that comes from within than with something that comes from outside.
Larry James, who has written quite a few books on ‘Relationships’ and gives seminars on it, says, “Not forgiving another person is like taking poison and waiting for them to die.” We expect them to suffer for what they have done to us when in reality it is we who will suffer.
Alexander Pope said: “To err is human; to forgive, divine.” And sometimes that’s what it takes. We have to overcome our situation and circumstances and forgive someone. Larry James goes on to say, “Refusing to forgive by holding on to anger, resentment, or the feeling of betrayal can make your own life miserable, because a vengeful mind creates bitterness and allows the traitor to claim one more victim.”
I always feel that bitterness is like rust. Stronger steel can be eaten away by rust and can weaken. That is what the bitterness that comes from an unforgiving spirit does to us
Sometimes there are misconceptions associated with forgiveness.
The biggest mistake is that forgiving means you forgive what has happened to you. That is not true! In fact, we can only forgive what we know to be wrong.
Forgiving does not also mean that you have to reconcile with someone who has treated you badly. Forgiveness is simply letting go of that person.
Another misconception is that it depends on whether the person who wronged you apologizes. But if someone else’s bad behavior becomes the main determinant of your feelings, then (think about this) the selfish and unkind people in your life would have power over you indefinitely. Forgiveness is the experience of finding inner peace and cannot be forced or stopped by another. And it should not be forced or stopped by another. So forgiveness is choosing and saying, “I will no longer be a victim.”
I remember someone talking about forgiveness and they gave me such a graphic view of it. I want to pass it on to you. Imagine that, looking at your life and the people who have hurt you, imagine that they have hooks and those hooks are connected to them. And every time you look at someone you have not forgiven, it is like a hook that hooks you. And as you go through life, you walk with all those hooks on you. Think about the amount of weight you are carrying. Excuse me my friends, it’s all about cutting off those hooks so you can be free to walk your journey without all that excess baggage.
Forgiveness at work is how I started. I was reading an article by Mariah Burton Nelson and she says, “Forgiveness does not rule out heart-to-heart conversations in which the person confronts the offender. One can forgive and still set limits, expectations, and standards of performance and conduct. it even rules out firing. You can forgive someone and still say goodbye. Forgiveness simply involves finding compassion for the offender. It requires remembering that all people have faults, beliefs, insecurities, and anxieties.
So it all comes down to freedom for you, peace for you, the ability to do whatever you want without someone controlling you or having power over you.
Mahatma Gandhi said: “The weak can never forgive; forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” Strong people are needed to forgive.
How do you forgive? What would the process be? I will describe it very quickly for you.
1. Recognize the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life. I hope by now there has been something of value for what I have given you. There is a need to forgive.
2. Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you have reacted, how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being. It is to say: “I have been hurt. Something bad has been done” and accept it. It’s not about hiding everything under the rug and acting like nothing happened.
3. Choose to forgive the person who has offended you. Remember, forgiveness is a choice.
4. Step away from your victim role and release the control and power that the offending person and the situation have in your life. Don’t let them have more power over you. Forgiveness is letting go.
5. As you let go of your grudges, you no longer define your life by how you have been hurt and can be much freer.
In the Bible, Jesus had one of his close disciples, Peter, ask him. “How many times should I forgive my brother?” that’s a question we like to ask ourselves because we want to know the numbers. If I know it’s 7 times, then the eighth time I don’t need to forgive. Jesus turns to him and says: “Not seven times, but seventy times seven.” What it means: forget about the numbers. You just have to keep forgiving because it increases the quality of your life.
Forgiveness is therapeutic. It is a good cleaning process. It is something that frees you to be who God wants you to be. It is letting go of all the excess baggage with which we do not need to walk through life. That is forgiveness. It’s about you. It is about the decision you make to be a free person.
God bless you all.