Once a relationship has come to an end, it could result in two people going their own ways. Then it will be a clean breakup, which means that they will both be happy to move on with their lives.
What this might illustrate is that they gradually drifted apart, with nothing holding them together. Ending the relationship this way will mean that neither of you had to get to the point of hating the other before doing something.
Conscious decoupling
This would have kept them from having to experience too much pain and drama. But, if they both didn’t have the level of self-awareness that they do, it might have been a different story.
Without this, your relationship may have had to get a lot worse before anything was really done about it. So there’s a chance that the relationship would have lasted longer, but taken a very different route.
another experience
On the contrary, one of them may have reached the point where he could see that it was no longer working. After spending some time with them, perhaps it became clear that they were on very different paths.
Before long, they may have opened up to their partner about what was happening to them, and their partner may have accepted it. This would have prevented too many bad feelings from building up and allowed them to part more smoothly.
A common result
If this is what happened, you could say that this is something that is much more common than the other experience. The reason for this is that it is rare for both people to be equally attracted to each other.
As a result of this, one person may lose interest, and the other may still be strongly attracted to her. So a breakup can be relatively pain-free for one person, while it can be incredibly painful for another.
a focus
Regardless of how the relationship ended, neither of them could have an interest in painting their ex in a negative light. This doesn’t mean that either of you feels angry or hurt, but it doesn’t make you want to make the other person look bad.
So if one of them isn’t okay, they’ll do whatever it takes to get through their pain. Lying on the other person would take away the energy he needs to heal himself.
another approach
If the other does not have a lot of pain, it does not mean that he will not have anything to solve. Still, most of his energy could be directed towards other areas of his life, being well aware of how useless it would be for them to spend time criticizing their ex.
This doesn’t mean they won’t talk about what happened with a close friend, for example, but it won’t be a time when they try to make their ex look back. Bringing this out can allow them to process what happened and gradually integrate the experience.
a different scenario
However, this will not always be what happens, as it will not always be possible for someone to move on in this way. Instead, one of them may end up going out of their way to make the other person look bad.
The strange thing about this is that the person who is trying to make their ex look bad could be the one who did the most damage. Therefore, even if there were problems on both sides, it would seem that one person was bad and the other was completely innocent.
What’s going on?
So it can seem like someone like that doesn’t care about their ex; all they care about is looking good. If this means destroying your ex’s image, so be it.
However, while it may seem like this is what it’s really about, there is likely more to it. The reason someone would try to do this may be because they are trying to avoid their own feelings.
Avoidance
After your ex left you, you may have ended up in contact with a lot of embarrassment and what happened after this will be a way to keep this embarrassment at bay. Downplaying your ex is then a way of trying to avoid feeling totally worthless.
What this shows is that they are out of touch with their inherent value; their value is defined by how other people perceive them. Bearing this in mind, it is clear to see why they would behave this way.
Personal protection
Deep down, they most likely feared that if they didn’t do this to their ex, their ex would slander them. So it was about making them look bad, or getting her ex to reveal how flawed they are to the world.
It is unlikely that one would have felt useless if this had happened; they would have felt even worse. This would have been something that permeated his entire being, making him feel as if they were less than human.
Awareness
Ideally, someone like this would seek external support, in order to overcome the pain that is within them. Perhaps they were raised in a very abusive environment.
This type of support is something that can be provided with the help of a therapist or healer. When someone behaves in this way, they are likely to lack self-awareness and this can prevent them from being able to acknowledge her pain and then seek support.