Sometimes I hear from wives who don’t know what to think about their husband’s behavior during a marital separation. Often times when the wife tries to read about how things are going or whether the husband might be thinking of going home, she doesn’t get a direct answer. Instead, get a husband who is frustratingly elusive. And this often leaves her wondering if she is wrong to hold any hope or if she is just wasting her time.
I heard a wife say, “My husband and I have been separated for almost two months. I think it’s more than enough time for him to make up his mind about what he wants to do with our marriage. He asked me for space and I gave it to him. . But he doesn’t seem any closer to committing himself to me and our marriage than he was just before the separation. Since I’m tired of waiting, I’ve started asking him very directly what he’s planning to do. I’ll say things like ‘where do you plan to live next? month?’ Or ‘how do you feel about me today?’ I never get a direct answer. He says something like “I’m still evaluating.” Or, “Honestly, my feelings are still all over the place. I just don’t know. “This makes me very angry. If he knows our marriage is over or he doesn’t feel anything for me anymore, I wish he had the courage to say so. Instead, it’s like he’s going out of his way to stagnate or stop. don’t give me an honest answer. Why would I do this? And how can I make it stop? “
This is a very common concern. Very often, wives hope that once they give their husband their space, he will realize how much he misses and loves her and will want to go home and save the marriage in record time. When this does not happen, they assume the worst and then aggressively pressure or question their husband, which can further deteriorate the situation.
I know you want and deserve answers. But I also know from experience that you are much more likely to be successful if you reject negativity and pressure. In the following article, I will describe what I think is the best strategy in this situation.
If it doesn’t answer your questions, try ditching them for a while. Or think about writing them differently: When you feel like your marriage is on the line, it’s very easy to keep trying strategies that have already been shown to not work. The reason for this is that you are so scared that common sense abandons you. And you are so determined to need these answers that you are determined to get them by any means necessary.
This is what you need to remember. The more you apply pressure, the more he will get frustrated and defensive. And the more impatient you are, the more likely he is to tell you that if you are so focused on an answer, then he will have to decide on a negative answer simply because you can’t wait.
I know how this feels. But frankly, I learned that it was better to give him more time so that I could still hold out at least some hope than to push and all but ensure that because of my insistence on an answer, his response would be that we should just stay Besides.
I know the delay only makes this situation worse. But honestly, what would be even worse than the scenario now is for him to say that he wants the separation to be permanent or that he wants a divorce. If you have to wait a bit longer to avoid this, I think it’s worth it.
Some wives understand my approach, but admit that they just won’t be able to stop asking for status. If this is your situation, I suggest you try to distract yourself when you feel the need. And if you can’t do that, then you might want to rephrase the questions to make them sound more positive. So instead of saying things like “Have you already decided when to come home? Did it resolve your feelings about me and the marriage?”, You could try “Are things clearer to you now? Or are you still evaluating? “
How you convey this message is vital. You don’t want to sound accusatory or impatient. You don’t want to express this in a way that sounds like a lawsuit. Because it is so difficult to say these words and make them sound supportive and correct, I suggest staying positive when around him and backing off on questions, knowing that when you are ready to share your feelings, you will. . Or that, alternatively, when things have improved so dramatically between you that he is ready to go home, then this will be obvious.