It’s probably one of the biggest concerns I hear after infidelity: Can the spouse who cheated on you stay faithful if you give them one more chance? Many people would like to save their marriage after infidelity, but know they never want to repeat this process again. The fear of cheating happening more than once can sometimes equal your desire to see your marriage saved. Because let’s be real. Who wants to live a life where you are always worried that your spouse will eventually cheat on you again? Which brings us to the question: Can people be faithful after an affair?
Well, I know many people who have. And I know some people who haven’t. But you don’t have to take my unscientific opinion about it even close to reality. We can look at the statistics to tell us a little more.
Recent Statistics on Repeated Cheating: A 2014 study conducted by students at the University of Denver found that study participants who admitted to cheating while in a serious relationship in the past were more likely to cheat again in the future. Specifically, 45 percent of people who cheated at least once cheated again. Now, I have a concern about this study. Not all participants were married. The only criteria was that the respondent felt that he was in a serious relationship. I wonder if the numbers wouldn’t have been a bit lower if all the recipients were married and the people involved knew they might end up divorced if they cheated again.
In any case, while a worrying number of respondents cheated again, the majority (around 55 percent) did not. So what is the difference between the two groups? The study did not look at the specific reasons for cheating and therefore could not predict who (or who would not) cheat again in the future.
But my theory on this would be that the repeat offender has never rehabilitated the risk factors that caused the deception in the first place. Identifying that risk is very important. Some people cheat for sexual reasons. Some cheat for emotional reasons. Some cheat to boost self-esteem. Some are depressed or feel undeserved. Some cheat because they don’t know how to get excitement into their lives beyond engaging in risky behavior. Others cheat because they have grown up in a culture or environment that approves or expects it.
minimizing the odds: So that you can be sure that your spouse will not cheat on you again, both of you need to identify each risk factor and address it. Why did he cheat? And what safeguards will be put in place to keep it faithful in the future? It’s true that none of us can keep an eye on our spouse 24/7 and shouldn’t want to, but if someone repeatedly cheats on business trips, or when out with certain friends, or in other scenarios identifiable, then those scenarios have to be removed or changed.
Also, I think in some situations, you have to find out if you’re working with a person who is really serious about having a healthy marriage and who understands the risk of being cheated on again. Some people only pay lip service during recovery. It is vital that you look carefully and make sure that this is not the case. I would never advocate threatening your spouse or giving them an ultimatum. But your spouse needs to understand very clearly that cheating on him again could mean he won’t get a second chance.
Finally, I cannot stress enough how important it is to strengthen your marriage. One thing we cannot control are the stressors that will inevitably get in our way. You can count on your marriage one day being put to the test. That’s how life works. You cannot control what will test you. But what you can control is how they work together (while getting help if they need it) to rebuild. If you don’t fix any pending issues, or restore trust, or if you live in a home where resentment lingers, you’ll be more vulnerable when those stressors arise.
But to answer the original question, yes, people absolutely can stay faithful. Lots to do. And many don’t. If this is a concern (and let’s face it, it is a concern for all of us), then you should not hesitate to work to do everything in your power to ensure that your spouse is in the majority, which is the percentage. that if he remains faithful. Because no one wants to go through the pain of infidelity again.