What does “Be Authentic” mean?
Being authentic means Be yourself; being “who you really are”. It means entering a relationship without wearing masks. Be open and honest with yourself and your partner about your needs and expectations, true intentions and hopes.
because many are No authentic?
Many are not authentic due to fears and needs. They fear that being “who they really are” will cause them to be rejected by others; not be loved as much as they want; be avoided and criticized.
Many have learned, since childhood, that to be loved by their parents, teachers and friends, they need to be submissive, pleasant; assertive. They need to “follow the rules.” Obey what they are told. In short: be nice and accommodating.
Some have adjusted such behaviors by feeling that their siblings receive more parental attention and appreciation than they do. Some have developed this “nice” side of themselves due to low self-esteem and believing, perhaps unconsciously, that this is the only way available to them to make friends.
No matter what the reason, many have developed these behaviors, growing up and starting dating, into an art unto themselves and taken it to the extreme: to forever be there for your partners; love 100% and more; give give and give, without asking for anything in return.
If you are a person who behaves in such an inauthentic way, within you you want to recover the love that you put; you long for a more mutual relationship. You also want to be able to express your opinions; disagree with something your partner wants; to be able to decide on things; to feel more empowered. But you are afraid of losing your partner; you fear rejection and loneliness. So you put off being authentic to at least have a relationship. In shorts, you are not be true to yourself.
The price you pay when you are No original
The problem is that when you behave this way instead of being authentic, your behavior will often boomerang at you. The relationship you get into is not mutual; You often feel abused, not because your partner has bad intentions, but because such “totally loving and accepting” behavior leads your partner to “use” you to their advantage. Eventually you build up anger, frustration, and disappointment.
When the relationship ends, usually at the instigation of your partner, since you, due to your fears and needs, do not have the courage to end it! – it is likely that you will quickly enter another relationship in which you will behave the same way again…
Evelyn – a typical example
Evelyn has been jumping from one relationship to another. She always quickly “falls in love” with the men who approach her, she is willing to quickly move in with them, pamper them and be there for them 100%. She cooks and cleans and buys tickets to concerts and movies. She is always “on the alert” to satisfy her every need and desire whenever they wish, even when she doesn’t suit him or requires him to cancel other plans she might have made with her friends.
The surprising thing about all this is, Evelyn tells herself, that after a couple of months their partners always find one excuse or another to end the relationship. One has “suddenly” to devote all his time to his career; the other has to drive every weekend to care for his sick mother; the third has a mid-life crisis and needs to be alone.
Haven’t they seen how much she has been to them? Do you think you can find a better partner than her? Being abandoned once again, she wonders what went wrong – again!
Explanation
Evelyn’s need to have a partner and her fear of being alone lead her not only to “sacrifice” herself on the altar of a relationship, but also to blind her from seeing reality for what it is. Evelyn “doesn’t get the message”; She doesn’t understand the many hints that different couples are giving her throughout all their months together about not wanting a committed relationship, at least not with her.
Being blind to reality, she is likely to remain inauthentic over and over again, telling herself that she has so much love to give, so much care to offer…
Becoming authentic is the only way to succeed in an intimate relationship.
If you have experienced situations similar to Evelyn’s, you are not alone; many have. But this should not comfort you, as this is its life and its relationships The only way out of this vicious cycle of being hurt and abandoned over and over again is to become authentic: summon the courage to “be who you really are”: to express your needs and aspirations; develop a mutual give-and-take relationship and not take responsibility for always being the one there for your partner.
It could well be that you need to unlearn old ways of behaving that you have internalized and adopted all these years. Instead of being submissive to receive love, allow yourself to express your own ideas and will. Instead of being there 100% for your partner from day one of the relationship, allow time for the relationship to develop at a reasonable pace. Instead of fearing all the time that you’ll be rejected and left, allow yourself to enjoy the relationship and not do things to “secure a future” that eventually might not be there.
Being authentic empowers you
At first you may be afraid to be authentic. You might think that you could lose any chance of having a partner who loves you. In fact, if you have No been authentic until now, you may be afraid to change the status quo.
But if you have had enough failed relationships; if they have left you again and again; If you feel like your partners abused your kindness too often, what do you have to lose by getting real?
The more authentic you become, the more empowered you will feel and the more true relationship you will be able to develop.