Dear beautiful child,
I want you to know that I did not always think it would turn out well, you, me and your father. I didn’t always trust and have faith that I could be the person that you and he needed me to be. There were days when I failed miserably. There were times when I was resentful and took it out on you. But then we would have these little moments of wonder. Wonderful little moments that made it all worth the stress and sleepless nights. You are worth every second of my own struggle as a stepmother. It wasn’t you who needed to change. You weren’t the one who made me mad. It was me. It was my own prideful and selfish anger that created distance and tension. You did nothing wrong. Let me repeat that. You did nothing wrong. I never meant to make you feel like you were the problem. Hope you can really understand this one day.
I want you to understand that being a stepmother is a privilege but also very complicated. There is no manual for this, and stepmothers tend to learn as we go. No adoptive family is exactly the same. But being your stepmom has been rewarding beyond measure. You have taught me things like compassion, sensitivity, and patience. Being a stepmother has given me many opportunities to learn and “step up.” Sometimes I did. And it was amazing to be able to be there for you. Other times I didn’t step forward and wish I had. Most of the time I’m learning to be your stepmom on the fly. For a while, I decided to stay behind and let your dad do most of the parenting because he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. I still don’t do it sometimes. But one thing I do know for sure is that I love you and what you are growing up to be. Yes. I make. Without conditions. You are in my heart as if you were my own daughter.
And now you are getting old. I have seen you become this beautiful, kind and creative person with your own ideas, opinions and perspectives on the world. And I hope you accept those things that make you special with all your heart. I hope you take your unique family situation and can create an amazing story out of it. Your history. Who you are. You are not your mother, your father, your stepfather or me. They are not your cousins, your neighbors, your classmates. You are you. And who you are is so perfectly wonderful.
My wish for you is that you know how much they love you. And I want you to know how much you have changed me and my heart as a woman and as a mother. You are helping us raise our son (your brother) in a joyful home. Your goodness grows and teaches him goodness. Your love and kindness teach him love and kindness. You may not know it, but he admires you.
I know you have a lot of people to talk to about things, about life. And I may or may not be on your main list of those people. But please let me share with you something that I want you to take with you wherever you go: be brave with your life. Be smart with your choices. Share your gifts and your joy with the world. You are too precious, too special not to. And know that I am here for you if you ever need it.
Love always,
Your stepmother