“How strong are all the arrows in your quiver compared to those of guilt.”
~ Robert Blair
What is the definition of a guilt trip?
A guilt trip is when someone tries to make you feel guilty for thinking, feeling, or doing things in a certain way. When someone tries to make you do what they want by making you feel bad to give in and do what they originally wanted, they are also using guilt to achieve their goals.
1) Ignore the emotional outbursts that influence your feelings. Some people use crying, yelling, sadness, and anger to get what they want. The person who finds that everything is unfair and falls apart is trying to win his sympathy so that he can use it to satisfy his own needs. Playing the role of a helpless victim can garner all kinds of emotional and financial support for someone playing the victim role. Another similar strategy is to act confrontationally with someone. By arguing and demanding, they expect to intimidate you, and you may flinch from their demands because they know you don’t like arguing.
2) Pay attention to the preface. Your antenna should perk up when you hear statements like: If you really cared about me, you … “,” If you were more thoughtful, … “I don’t see why you can’t just …” You can replace your provocative words blame with “do what you want.” Sometimes they change it by telling you what they would never do. “I’m sure I heard it wrong. You would never volunteer to do that without telling me first.” They are telling you that you must first execute all decisions for them. This train of thought is understandable if it comes from your spouse, but what if it isn’t? Be suspicious of people who demand your loyalty but are not reciprocal and only take care of themselves.
3) Is it better to do nothing? Instead of getting caught up in a debate, or worse, an argument, simply agree with the culprit. Don’t feed what they are saying, just agree with it or ignore it and then move on. It is not your job to change the culprit. Either they will improve their approach to learning to communicate positively or they will find someone else to manipulate.
4) Come in, come out. If the culprit tries to make statements that imply that you do not care or do not care; give short, quick answers that break your grip instantly. For example, if the person who feels guilty says “Okay, go to the beach with all your friends while I stay here and take care of everything.” You respond with something like “Thank you. I appreciate it.”
5) Be careful if the culprit starts citing what other people would do. This manipulative strategy is designed to signal your lack of responsiveness compared to how others would act. If they say “Nancy’s children would never treat her like this.” Respond with something like “You’re probably right.” and move on to another topic or leave.
6) If you love me. “If you love me, you would …”. These kinds of statements basically say, “I don’t think you love me. Show it. Love is a commonly used manipulative tool for blame-shooters. They make you feel like you owe them something. This approach attacks intimacy when making love. conditional Love doesn’t need to have a marker.
7) Do they use illness as a means to get what they want? Some people use the disease to achieve ulterior motives. They may be trying to avoid responsibility and / or are just lazy. They get other people to do their work. Remember that unless you are a medical professional, you don’t need to get stuck trying to diagnose them, but you also don’t have to do things you don’t want due to guilt.
8) Stay calm. Stay calm and do your best to be nice. Be rational and try to control your emotions. Don’t explode in frustration, but stay friendly. Give nonverbal cues like shaking your head. Use your manners and be polite. If a culprit asks you to do something you don’t want to do; just say “Thanks for asking, but no.” Don’t lie, talk sarcastically, mutter under your breath or make excuses because this will induce you to feel guilty for your bad behavior and you will end up doing what you don’t want to do.
9) Ask them to be more direct. Explain to the person who feels guilty that you might be more willing to accommodate more of their requests if you expressed your wishes more directly. You may want to add that you have felt distant and resentful of the way they have acted in the past. Hope you have to reinforce these efforts. These are communication patterns that have likely been around for years. Be patient and calm. Positive efforts on your part will always help make communication better than aggravate.