If you are a new parent, perhaps you have had a change in your personal circumstances, moved to another location, or introduced a new lifestyle and are now being offered dating opportunities when you haven’t socialized in a while, it can be difficult to motivate yourself to get out. the house and make the effort to join.
– May have apprehensions and concerns. What about the money; How much will it cost, what about unforeseen expenses like taxis or babysitters, nails, clothes and hairdressers? What about the other members of the group? Are they “all” vibrant and sophisticated women or successful businessmen? Will I fit in? What about my conversation skills?
– What if you feel disheveled and outdated?Are you not smart enough? Sometimes a little touch can make a difference, like a new haircut, a brightly colored blouse, a distinctive jewel. But remember, it is not your size or what you are wearing that makes you attractive and interesting to others. I doubt that those are a problem for you when you meet someone new. Give your group credit for being equally insightful and knowing what’s important. Being good company and caring about others is what makes you an integral and valued part of any group. People like you, not your shoe style or lipstick color.
– Take small steps at first. Be selective about the invitations you accept so that you are already interested and inclined to participate. Make sure there are several attractive factors; you are comfortable with various members of the group, the place you will go is a place you would enjoy. You may prefer to go out to eat or watch a movie rather than go to a noisy, crowded bar, or if you are happier with an activity like bowling or a class, choose what feels more relaxed for you.
– Do you feel like you’ve been out of the mix? For so long that you’ve lost the art of adult conversation and have little to talk about other than children, work, or home? Decide to fix that by watching some popular television, keeping up with the news, listening to others, and paying attention to what they are talking about.
– And remember, join in and be a good member of the audience. as well as an interested listener, or being okay when others prefer to talk about themselves will ensure that you become a welcome addition to the group. Listening is a good alternative position to adopt.
– Give yourself time to prepare, even if you allow a whole day. Set aside time to wash your hair, to decide what to wear. The hassle of getting ready, often a source of fun for other people, can be an additional stressor if you haven’t been socializing in a while.
– Would it be easier to get there with someone else? for you? Perhaps you will organize a ride or offer to drive to go with a ‘friend’ so you can chat, enjoy each other’s company, and not feel intimidated by traveling alone.
– Organize an emergency escape route, like having a friend’s phone after a couple of hours. Then, if you feel overwhelmed and need to get away, you can affirm that you are needed elsewhere, make your excuses, and leave. Knowing that someone is watching you can be a relief and take the stress out of feeling trapped and forced to stay until the end.
– Remember that it is important to be connected with the outside world: you are not “just” a partner, parent, employer or employee. Continue to invest in your individual identity and treat it as an important part of your relationship with yourself and with others.
– Consider how you will feel if you decide not to go. Of course, it’s your choice at the end of the day, but instead of turning it down, why not commit to going for an hour or two? You can always leave early if you start to feel overwhelmed, but remember that you are more likely to find that everyone is there to relax and have a good time too. They are all similar to you, also with problems, problems and worries, they also need a night off. Find out how much better you will feel once you have followed and joined.
By starting to socialize again, you are reclaiming your identity and living a larger, more expansive life. And very often others share your fears and concerns. Remember, you are not alone!