1. Have a sense of humor about my illness if I do.
I know you’re trained to look for denial, but sometimes a good laugh about a situation or health issue is my way of coping, so feel free to laugh with me.
2. I will probably tell her that I go to church more often than usual.
You’re a chaplain, so I have to sound somewhat disciplined if I’m a spiritual person, right? (Never mind that lying to you isn’t exactly “spiritual.”) Honestly, as much as I want to go, I get a lot less. If you have a way to get my church to put the service online or on CD for free, I’ll listen.
3. Skip the topics.
You probably already know this, but it’s easy for someone to say things like “God won’t give you more than you can handle.” As you can imagine, I’ve had enough of that from friends and family. Feel free to “get real” with me and I’ll be much more receptive to what you have to say.
4. Find new material.
I’ve heard all those verses about faith and healing and holding on. If you want to give me scriptures, look up some that I probably haven’t heard of before. And try a new version of the Bible like The Message to keep my attention.
5.Comfort my family.
A lot of the time I’m managing my illness pretty well, but my parents/children/spouse aren’t and they don’t have anyone to talk to. They want to talk to me about my illness and I can’t talk about it over and over again. It is exhausting both physically and emotionally. Can you offer them some comfort or just listen to them?
6. Don’t just pray for healing.
Everybody praying for my healing, so hey, I’m covered there. Instead, ask me what I would like to pray for and you might be surprised. I need prayer to know how I am going to pay for all this treatment, the right doctors, the mental health of my children to deal with my illness, and even my spiritual health to endure.
7. Tell me something about yourself.
I know, I know you have to draw the line between personal and professional. But I have been poked, rolled and told to sit or lie down so many times that I feel like “the patient” 24 hours a day. I would love to hear about your day or your family. Where do you like to go on vacation? Treat me like a human being and not one more bed and it will help me more than you think.
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